I’m going to be the Mother of the Groom later this year. So, since it has been raining all month in San Diego, wedding dress shopping seemed like a good “Get Out and Go” activity for me.
A little family history is in order here. When Dave and I got married, there were only three people present in the Naval Chapel—us and the Chaplain. Our daughter, Tiffany, had a total of four people at her wedding. You get the picture. I’m a wedding neophyte.
Missing an arm, wearing artificial legs, and sitting in a wheelchair makes clothes shopping entertaining. Not really knowing where to start, I cruised slowly around in my favorite department store, daydreaming that the perfect outfit would slither off its hanger, pirouette as it floated toward me, hover and then settle down, draped perfectly on me. And of course, in the mirror, I’d see a stylish mother-of-the-groom.
When that didn’t happen, I made a right turn into the designer section. It’s hard to see me because I’m in a wheelchair, so I escaped detection for a while as I rolled around at hem length between the racks.
“Pardon me,” I said when I was ready for a saleslady. She didn’t hear me, or maybe she didn’t see me.
“I’d like to look at these two tops. Can you help me?”
She looked me over and asked, “Are you looking for something in particular?”
By now I sensed she didn’t think I belonged in that section. “Yes, our son is getting married and I need something for the wedding.” And then, “It’ll be in Hawaii.”
She turned and walked to a different rack, saying, “How about this?” I glanced at the sleeveless dress with outlandish, oversized flowers and immediately blurted out, “That is really ugly!”
“Ok,” she said as she took the two tops I’d chosen and walked into an elegant section of the store. “How about pairing them with these palazzo pants? They’d be beautiful together and…they’re only $600.”
“Fine,” I said, getting a little nervous. I could tell she was eyeing me up and down now. “I really like the gray-green top. The wedding colors are lavender and sage.”
She made one last attempt. “Do you have a price range?”
“No, that’s not an issue,” I said nonchalantly, as I held up the one I liked best and looked in the mirror. “It’s a stunning piece,” she said with an approving smile.
Then she dropped the bomb. “This is $3,695.”
My head jerked up. “And this one?” I asked. She fumbled around looking for the tag. Craning my neck around her arm, the price tag of $1,320 screamed at me. What a bargain.
Choking would have been the appropriate reaction, but I acted as sophisticated as possible, asking if I could take pictures to show the bride-to-be for her approval. After a few more moments of pleasant chatter, I fled the scene.
NEXT TRIP
The atmospheric river (in the good old days this was the Pineapple Express) was still dumping rain on us this week, so I ventured out for a second round of wedding dress shopping. The first one I saw looked like a possibility. But I’d learned my lesson—don’t take it off the rack until you’ve seen the price tag. A whopping $178! Thinking I’d hit the jackpot, I headed to the dressing room with it rumpled up on my lap—a middle aged, somewhat frumpy, saleslady bird-dogging me. She was on a mission.
“May I help you?” she asked as she opened the door into the oversized dressing room.
“No. But thanks for asking.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” I said as I pretzeled myself while reaching to close the door behind me. But I couldn’t get it because she had already pushed it open and followed me into the room. Okay, I thought. Be nice and let her help.
“Thanks,” I say in my meek-and-mild voice, while pulling my blouse off. Clucking to herself, she took the dress off the hanger and fumbled with the lining. Standing behind me she drew it down over my head. We struggled together, tugging it this way and that. I was starting to work up a sweat when she finally smoothed it out and I stood up, clutching my wheelchair so I wouldn’t fall.
“Wait a minute,” she exclaimed with a big smile. “The back of it is gorgeous! I’m going to get another mirror so you can see it.”
I primped a little as I looked in the full-length mirror. Interesting neckline…it comes all the way up to my neck. I leaned forward. Funny, it looks like labels were sewn into the front of the dress. Now why in the world would they have done that?
My helper returned. “Can you see all the beautiful detail?” she asked as she tried to hand me the looking glass. I gave her a look that said, “Hey lady, I have only one hand. If I let go of my wheelchair to hold that, you’ll be picking me up off the floor.” 
One more look…She’s put this freakin’ dress on me backwards!
From the sublime to the ridiculous. I can’t wait for the next episode of Get Out and Go Shopping for Wedding Clothes.
glad i don’t have to shop for dresses!
Don’t give up, I love your stories!
Regardless of the dress, front or back, you will be a beautiful mother of the groom.
Three is a charm–try another store! For such an important decision you need to to take a friend along. Been there done that, I volunteer!
Great story, Linda. I’ve been MOG once. Wore the dress about twice before the moths got to it. I did love it though. PS No one was looking at me.
Your sense of humor and ability to stand back and reframe exiperiences from maddening to embarrassing to humorous make the challenges you face at many of life’s intersections wonderfully funny. I love them all.
And yes, take a friend with you. Many of us would love to accompany and assist.
I actually had one of my characters wear a v-neck men’s sweater backwards so the plunging neckline showed off her back. But clueless saleslady leaves me speechless.
I would go shopping with you as it would be so much fun…. I love your sense of humour… but alas my sense of dress is limited for hot weather as in Queensland but then the wedding is in Hawaii – good luck with the hunting !!!!
WOW! You put a smile on my face. At least you’re invited to the wedding…that’s better than our daughters treated us! Congratulations to all. Have you tried estate/garage sales? I go to them often and Sid always asked, “What do you need another garage for?” I’m anxious for the next chapter…
Keep on truckin’, Linda….
You’ll find something smashing. The story is marvelous….
Ha ha!! Can’t wait for the next one …..
LOL you are a great writer Linda! Congrats on the upcoming wedding that is so exciting! Hope to see you in Truckee sometime soon…the snow has been outrageous but hopefully this is the tail end of it for the season and we can get some sun again. XO Sarah
She must have been looking in the mirror and that’s why she put it on you backwards😉!
Linda, this makes me think of an experience I had shopping in Boston. I had taken a hanger from the rack with the intention of trying on a blouse. The sales lady bustled over and grabbed it from me, put it BACK on the rack, and said, “No, honey, this one’s not right for you.” I was shocked, because growing up in San Diego, salespeople would tell you any item looked fantastic no matter what it was! You face shopping challenges that I don’t have, but boy, I can relate to “trying to be nice” in the face of absurdity. Thank you for sharing this 🙂
That is such a good story. Waiting with baited breath. I went through all that last year. Full arms and legs. Husband found it online. Shopping just isn’t my thing. I wish you all the best with your shopping.
I’m a bit late with my comment but “better late than never.” Can’t wait for the next episode … but will have to.
BTW, one of the times my son, Mark, was married, I went to about three department stores with other son, Christopher, and tried on a myriad of dresses before finding the right one.
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